SAHM Again

Well, I did a good six month's stint there back at ye olde mothership. I was grateful for every renewal but I was starting to feel a bit too distanced. Especially after working one whole week and then going on my very first girl's weekend since bebe arrived, and then having to come home at 2am and go right back to work again. That was some freakin bull. I was a bit surprised to learn my gig was ending the next Tuesday at 4.30pm (even though I was really only booked through the end of that day), and then again, I needed some baby cuddle times STAT. And better to learn that your gig is over at the end of the day, so that you don't spend all day fretting and panicking trying to wrap up as much things as possible. Which is impossible anyway!

So here I sit, looking at airbnb options for our trip to Seattle next month, recovering from baby's first birthday party (keggers and Italian beef FTW!) and I am ok with being a stay at home mom for a wee while. Now, just to figure out how to get out of the house for a spell...

But the trip was good - I have to admit I had an undercurrent of anxiety the first few nights. I would wake up in the middle of the night just feeling sort of insecure. Is this some weird biological instinct that is implanted when mothers leave their babies, or am I some sort of big baby myself for being away from her? By the third day I was feeling better, missing her, but enjoying being able to explore Sonoma freely and relaxing with my lady friends. Unfortunately I got some major intestinal troubles the last night there (what, chicken wing and white wine dinner?) and had a very long day with the drive back to the city, the killing time over lunch and airport, and delayed flights and oooooh so sleepy from tummy waking me up before dawn. I tried to sleep as much as I could on the plane because I knew we weren't landing till after 1am and I had to work in the morning. I muddled on through, not knowing I would have the rest of the week off after Tuesday. If you can count having your in-laws in your house every day having the week off. They were great but definitely not quiet. 

Now I have everything. Quiet. Baby. One check still coming in. Shhhhh.

(But I need to work before my awesome nanny finds a new job. Damnit.)

Date Weekend With My Daughter

Playing single mom is HARD. I always give mad props to the single moms of the world when motoboy goes out of town. He hasn't really traveled without me since last summer's race season - and granted baby is a lot easier now, at 11 months and able to play on her own - then she was at 6 weeks when she would just cry constantly after 6pm. But yet, it's a long day when she decides to only take two half hour naps. And maybe that saison beer at lunch with S.W. tasted good, but didn't make for a lot of energy in the afternoon.

But I am so much happier now that the nanny issue has been resolved. We found Clara, from a posting on a mom site (I was only interested in other moms recommending their nannies they could use no longer) and she came over the same night, understood about my freelance life, and decided to take us on for the month of March despite it. I mean, it is cash money after all. And baby is pretty easy as far as babies go. The great bonus is that I can tell she just loves babies, and is so sweet to our girl. But even better than that is that she is restless - and can't stand dog hair, which we have plenty of to go around, so insists on vacuuming the rug and the hardwood floors. The first two days she was here she had the vacuum out both days. She also likes to do laundry - which is handy when you have cloth diapers. And she does the baby clothes too but I had to stop her at adult laundry. We need to have some chores for ourselves. (Like my mom said, 'don't take advantage and pick up after yourself still.' Aww MOM.) So hopefully I can keep her, but my current work might come to an end at the end of March.  So if I am a free agent in April, and there are a few weeks gap, it's possible she might find another full time job and I could not really blame her for that. EXCEPT. Her daughter had twins in California and I know she wants to go out and spend a few months with her. But maybe not until the summer. So maybe she would not mind staying with a casual job like I can offer. And maybe nanny J will be willing to take in charges once her little one is bigger this summer...and and...

See, the brain, and the childcare, it never stops churning.

I still have a twitch in my eye but I don't know if it's stress related still - I think I need a weekend morning lie in, which looks like it won't happen for some time. I hope motoboy is enjoying his motorcycling around the hills and deserts of San Diego. He better be ready for some baby times when he gets back.

E

Stress Bomb

There's a twitch under my right eye that has been steadily beating away for about three days now. But I knew I was stressed before then. Its my lot right now, my choice really. To choose freelancing over a staff job when you also have to think about child care is a bit tricky. It never bothered me before about the renewal of a contract on a Friday for a Monday. But now trying to book childcare this way, without the benevolence of our dear friend nanny who has to leave us now to have her own baby, is proving to be tricky indeed.

It's just that she's the most precious thing that we have ever been in charge of. And yes, we have to hire a total stranger to be responsible more waking hours of the day than we are with her. Oh god, I'm making it worse. Breathe. Unclench jaw. Wait. (I'm waiting to hear on a nanny share, but if they turn us down, it's back to the drawing board.) (Oh right, as soon as I know I am booked.)

And then on top of all this running static in my head, we decided to speak to a mortgage broker to get a pre-approval letter in case we see a house we might like. Owing a house has never been a big passion of mine. I'm not nuts about spending money in general, let alone tens of thousands of dollars for a down payment. I've been keeping tabs on Chicago real estate for months, so when I found out what we should be spending, I got a bit disinterested even more. Motoboy put me at ease by reminding me that we are not going to buy just because we can. Renting is always an option, and in Chicago you can rent in just about any neighborhood or school district you fancy. So that's just another thing to put on the busy burner that is my mind of late.

Work. Baby (which is the fun part). Nanny? House Winter. Work. Booked? Baby. WINE.

Wine and open mouthed baby kisses on my cheeks filled with teeny tiny baby teeth make it all worth it.

xx