Working for Bacation

I had always said I would be ready to go back to work in September. And now it is here. After all those long hard afternoons, watching the clock because I have a fussy baby and a sore back. After all those sunny mornings walking baby & Elsa around the corner and over the bridge. It wasn't the wildest summer I have ever had off. I think I had exactly two hangovers the entire time. I feel healthy, despite what the scale says. Clean living can be boring. But it was a great summer all the less, and I'm glad I took off so much time.

I know it will eventually feel good to get back to work, and I am entertaining the opportunity to work part time as well. Freelancing pays well enough that it will be sufficient even if its only 20 hours a week or so. Not saving for a house next year sufficient, but more like, I am bringing in some good money after not having worked for 5 months sufficient. Enough to justify the nanny. Which brings me to the other issues that are coming to mind now when I think about work:

* The nanny, indeed. This has to be worked out once I figure out my start date, my hours, or days if its part time. There's no point in setting things down in stone now without more details. Who knows if I will even work in September after all? But I'm talking to people so chances are, it will be sometime soon. We have a friend who is interested, who has another family who wants to nanny share, but its not in a neighborhood I like. If the price is the same, might it be just as well to hire a professional who can come to my home? This will all be worked out when the time is right I suppose.

*Clothes. Oh how I used to love to be a bit fashionable! In my alternative 90s sort of take on it. Black boots, slim skirts, chunky silver earrings. But now none of my cute clothes fit so I guess I will be back to a pregnancy sort of wardrobe of leggings and tunics until all that walking to work pays off. Still, it sucks to work in advertising and not dress exactly how you would like to. There's not much else that's interesting - some days - than what your girlfriends at work are wearing, planning to wear, found online, or bought at lunchtime.

*Attention span. As I mentioned before, I don't feel as if I'm not as smart or sharp as I was before baby, or pregnancy. But there is a strange phenomenon going on. Sometimes motoboy or a friend will be telling a story and suddenly I will notice that 10 seconds or so have passed and I stopped listening completely. I have to try to hit rewind in my head or just listen more intently to catch up, nodding away. What if this happens in a meeting when someone is telling me a key piece of information? Must remember to always be taking notes. And to maybe up my tea time intervals.

*Baby withdrawal. I remember women coming back to work and being asked if it was hard to leave their babies at home and these same women just bursting into tears. Granted, these were account management types (think pretty Lincoln Park girls with business degrees) who came back after 6 weeks or 3 months. While I haven't left baby for more than 7 hours, I'm hoping it will be a little easier for me, knowing how far along she is. It's not like having to say goodbye to a helpless newborn who only drinks breastmilk. My bebe looooves her some Target formula. And boobies too. So I might only have to pump my meager amount (I think I get 2-3 ounces TOPS, at a go) maybe once in the middle of the day. But I am more worried about the emotional attachment. Not worried enough that I think I want to stay home until she is four, because well hello DOLLAS. Mama likes to make dem DOLLAS.

And the awesome thing about being a freelancer is that I have no idea when and if and how this is all going to work out. In the meantime, back to maternity leave. Daddy should be home in T minus 2.5 hours and then its happy hour and mama's night out. And the weekend for the family! I deserve it this week. It was uneventful and tiring for some reason. But oh so darling at the same time.

E

Leaps and Bounds

Since I'm still playing the role of a SAHM (that's 50's housewife for you not into acronyms), I can only speak baby baby baby. So let me tell you what baby has done since I last checked in:

*Rolling to her side, almost over all the way (will go and even prep herself for landing if you gently lead her by the arm)
*Leans her head forward to sit up
*Can tripod herself in a sitting position with some help
*Took her first airplane trip to VA to see her grandparents and great grandparents

Things Mama has done:
*Gone out for cocktails (at least 2-3 times)
*Had a house party in which baby stayed up all night (oh well)
*Started a new writing project (TV script, possibly)
*Looked around for freelance work (not in a panic)

And I actually do have a meeting Wednesday to talk to some people at an agency that is new to me (one that Motoboy used to work at, actually) about some part time freelance work. Which is quite compelling to me. Might be a nice way to ease myself back into it until the end of the year. IF they can pay my day rate. If its much less than that, the price won't be worth the nanny rates in Chicago. And its not like I like working that much. But I do need to do something. Am bored, I (guiltily) have to admit.

The smartest thing I have done, since baby was big enough for it to make sense, was to get a babysitter once a week, just for three hours. I can survive any kind of week if I know that I can get a break to run some errands, stop for a coffee, or just go write for a few hours. The babysitters - two - I have used are great and I don't have to worry about my little punkin at all. Best $40 you can spend.

Now finding a nanny for when I go back to work might be a whole different story. If my friend can't nanny or has another work conflict I will have to interview strangers. So many stories of lazy nannies being spotted at the park. Just this morning I saw one getting a toddler out of a stroller with one hand because she was on the phone with her other. The toddler managed to swing out of it while being held up with one arm, but I have a feeling a mom wouldn't do that. It's a scary thing to leave your kids with people who just might not think they are the most amazing creatures that were ever born. And impossible to know how the day really will go. Trust is all you have, or not?

But we will cross that bridge when someone actually offers me some work, and tells me when it will start. In the meantime, how about a nice roast for dinner honey? More scotch? Wait. Those 50s housewives weren't spending their own money either. Modern life is still hard, plus, expensive.

E

*pic is of Elizabeth "Betty" Robinson, winner of the first Olympic 100m for women for USA.

Turning The Corner

I might have already sad this but...it's true what they said. Something about three months does get easier. Well, part of it is that you become better at baby rearin'. You start to get to know what the cries and fidgeting mean and you start getting rewarded with smiles and coos. But I think there's something to be said for the 'fourth trimester' and when I look at baby now I see...a little person. Not just this helpless squirmy thing that I made in ma belly. And then I get a headrush and think OH MY GOD I made a person. Completely by accident. Thank god I am old and have some money cos the younger me might have really screwed this up. 

In a way the newborn stage was a bit easier mentally, when your only job is to hold them and feed them and they sleep all the time. I used to just wake up, plop into the rocking chair and nurse her on and off all day and watch tv or look at my ipad. Now there is so much activity I think I am ruining my back. Up and down and diapers and naps and cuddles and floor time and car trips and oh JESUS CHRIST the car seat. Why is it so heavy? My MIL warned me that she slipped two discs raising two boys, but knowing how hyper and energetic she is I shrugged off her advice. I won't hurt my back, I thought. I'm not an idiot, I know how to lift with my knees, don't we all do that now? Oh yeah my back hurts. Sometimes I don't even want to stand up straight. I can only feel it when I lay down.

But now that she's able to see better she can tolerate the stroller and the car a lot more, and we have been going on more adventures. I went to the tippy top of Michigan with my buddy S a few weekends ago. Sure the 5.5 hour trip took us 9 hours, but we just took our time and stopped for lots of nappy changes, lunch and a shop stop for some kids we were visiting. Ok I'll admit it we had to stop at a Wal-Mart because that's all we could see from the road. And I stayed in the car. For 45 minutes. And saw enough of Wal-Mart from the parking lot. But baby was so good! The trip gave me enough day to day confidence to take her on various errands around the city. It doesn't have to be some perfect combination of diapered/fed/well rested baby in order to do something (although it helps if you start out that way). I can change her on the side of the road! I can nurse her in a rest stop! I can plop a bottle in her mouth anywhere.

The sad thing is I was trying to figure out why I had such an intense feeling of satisfaction all day yesterday and it's because I managed to go to the car dealership for a part, and I also took an additional risk and stopped at Target on the way home. In line to return some stupid jean shorts that do not fit (WTF size am I then?), a woman asked me baby's age. I replied with "three, three and a half months" and told her I was nervous because it was baby's naptime. She said "a good stroll around Target will usually do the trick." So when she got cranky I stepped it up and set out to do laps around Target. By the time we got from women's to electronics she was out.

I GOT THIS THANG!!

Oh and I'm working on a new TV pilot idea with Z and thinking of going back to work in September and maybe buying a house next year but I GOT THIS BABY THING I THINK!

E

The New Me

Things I find myself doing now that I never did pre-baby:

* Squinting at the clock instead of just glancing and noting the time. Every time I look at a clock I'm calculating the last time baby ate or slept. Since I have mom brain this is also very hard to do. Hence, I find myself squinting. Why that helps, I do not know.

* Sitting up straight in bed very quickly and checking on baby after she coughs up some spit that went down the wrong hole. I jump like a startled vampire in an old horror movie. Also I can run from the kitchen to the living room in .02 seconds flat. But there are many other times when I don't react at all. Its some sort of mom radar that tells you when to check and when to ignore. Either that or I am a bad mom about half the time.

* Stopping everything I am doing and listening to the wind, like a hunter. Am trying to make a quick lunch when I think I hear a peep from napping baby, and I find myself frozen in the kitchen, cocking an ear to the air. I can stay frozen this way for up to thirty seconds.

* Talking to the baby in Target. Yes I'm that person too. I talked her through nearly every purchase except for the condoms, that was a quick decision she was not consulted on (but one to which the checkout lady probably had a good giggle about). Also I get quieter about it when people near. In fairness I am keeping her more calm and focused by talking to her, but I'm sure I look like 'that crazy mom.'

* Actively talking kid stuff at parties. I used to only do this out of politeness. Now I am researching, researching, asking, asking and getting opinions constantly. I think it will take me six years to figure out the Chicago Public School system anyway. Might as well start asking about it now. Also late at night I troll mom blogs for flame wars. I don't think that mom brain is lazy, I think it just shifts interest.

I'm most ashamed of the last point. But oh well. I may not be cool anymore, but maybe my kid will be. Its all we can hope for now.

E