Thursday, December 22, 2011

I'm Really Freakin Pregnant

Its funny how in the beginning, I could deal with my little pooch. I've certainly hosted different variants of tummies along the way. It first appeared on my then-120lb frame when I moved to Ireland. Surrounded by butter, Guinness and cheese, and not a lot of money, I found myself going for the good stuff when I could. Since then, in lieu of actually working out or giving up booze, most of my clothes were purchased and designed to hide a small to medium sized (depending on the debaucheries of the weekend) beer belly. I had plenty of empire waist tops, dresses, cozy jean shorts, the first trimester was so easy to hide. Second trimester I did have to bust out a few new items, but it still seemed like a little bloated beer-and-sausage-wasn't-that-a-great-weekend-in-Wisconsin belly.


I came home last night and changed clothes in front of the mirror and shocked myself thoroughly. There is no way this is a beer belly anymore. I'm about twice the width in the middle if I look at myself sideways. I am definitely a very pregnant person. This both horrified and delighted me. Its funny that I even got to this age without experiencing this. My god how the body changes! All my guts are squished up against my bra-line and apparently this baby is living in a house the size of a soccer ball. Soccer balls are pretty big. And I can tell because my hip bones ache, my pelvis feels like its realigning itself, its takes all my energy to go up the stairs. I still feel pretty good considering, but I think I'm finally entering the part of pregnancy that I won't respond to as well. It's like I need to move around more, but I'm too tired to do it.

What good timing getting married at five and a half months. Everyone should do that (if they're going to do that pregnant, I mean). Also, how come no one told me about bra extenders? Bra extenders are the BEST. Since now I'm a 38B and there is no brassiere in that size.

So here's to the holiday road trip in the van, with the dog, my husband (!) and a clever device I bought off the internet that will help us make less pit stops. Even the owners of the gadget want me to report back on how it goes. Anything to keep us moving, says I. Me and my burgeoning vanful of mischief makers. Including the one I'm smuggling.

E