Talk about where did did six weeks go, where did the last month go? I have to admit, the first few days of work were hard, weird. It was hard for me to just walk out the door that first morning, our friend and nanny holding the baby and looking very sympathetic. I had never really left her for more than about five hours before.
I started to tear up as I reached the door, and then sped up my exit as to keep momentum moving. It was strange to retrace my commuting steps, the last time I walked this path on this particular schedule I was about ten months pregnant and wearing the same pair of jangling motorcycle boots every day, because they were the only ones that would fit over my swollen feet. I may still be sporting the the leggings/dress/boots combo, but I can move a lot faster. I can run when the train bells start, I can jog up the steps of the downtown stop coming home. (Also it helps that post baby, I still no longer smoke, even if I still have a bit of weight to lose.)
Being in the office was like being in another world, and yet exactly like I had never left. I had vague sensations of being hungry and having to pee all the time, but I knew that was just an association from being pregnant. Since I know this agency so well, it was so comforting to be back, it eased the separation anxiety considerably. Everyone stopped me to say hello, ask about the baby -- it was hard to get anywhere without stopping for a chat. I was overwhelmed by adult conversation after months of only talking out loud to the baby in Target, in the house, on our walks. All these people here and they just chat to each other all day?
And then I did the unimaginable. I went to a meeting. Where a bunch of people sat around a circular table and had a dumb agenda about something that could have been emailed and covered off in a 5 minute round of feedback. And personalities clashed, and people interrupted, and management terms were used, and I could not believe that this is what the world does when people are home having babies. But they are paying me a nice day rate so I smiled, and pretended to take notes on the dumb agenda, and thought of the nice house I can buy for my cute baby some day. All the same, and all so different at the same time.
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