Turning The Corner

I might have already sad this but...it's true what they said. Something about three months does get easier. Well, part of it is that you become better at baby rearin'. You start to get to know what the cries and fidgeting mean and you start getting rewarded with smiles and coos. But I think there's something to be said for the 'fourth trimester' and when I look at baby now I see...a little person. Not just this helpless squirmy thing that I made in ma belly. And then I get a headrush and think OH MY GOD I made a person. Completely by accident. Thank god I am old and have some money cos the younger me might have really screwed this up. 

In a way the newborn stage was a bit easier mentally, when your only job is to hold them and feed them and they sleep all the time. I used to just wake up, plop into the rocking chair and nurse her on and off all day and watch tv or look at my ipad. Now there is so much activity I think I am ruining my back. Up and down and diapers and naps and cuddles and floor time and car trips and oh JESUS CHRIST the car seat. Why is it so heavy? My MIL warned me that she slipped two discs raising two boys, but knowing how hyper and energetic she is I shrugged off her advice. I won't hurt my back, I thought. I'm not an idiot, I know how to lift with my knees, don't we all do that now? Oh yeah my back hurts. Sometimes I don't even want to stand up straight. I can only feel it when I lay down.

But now that she's able to see better she can tolerate the stroller and the car a lot more, and we have been going on more adventures. I went to the tippy top of Michigan with my buddy S a few weekends ago. Sure the 5.5 hour trip took us 9 hours, but we just took our time and stopped for lots of nappy changes, lunch and a shop stop for some kids we were visiting. Ok I'll admit it we had to stop at a Wal-Mart because that's all we could see from the road. And I stayed in the car. For 45 minutes. And saw enough of Wal-Mart from the parking lot. But baby was so good! The trip gave me enough day to day confidence to take her on various errands around the city. It doesn't have to be some perfect combination of diapered/fed/well rested baby in order to do something (although it helps if you start out that way). I can change her on the side of the road! I can nurse her in a rest stop! I can plop a bottle in her mouth anywhere.

The sad thing is I was trying to figure out why I had such an intense feeling of satisfaction all day yesterday and it's because I managed to go to the car dealership for a part, and I also took an additional risk and stopped at Target on the way home. In line to return some stupid jean shorts that do not fit (WTF size am I then?), a woman asked me baby's age. I replied with "three, three and a half months" and told her I was nervous because it was baby's naptime. She said "a good stroll around Target will usually do the trick." So when she got cranky I stepped it up and set out to do laps around Target. By the time we got from women's to electronics she was out.

I GOT THIS THANG!!

Oh and I'm working on a new TV pilot idea with Z and thinking of going back to work in September and maybe buying a house next year but I GOT THIS BABY THING I THINK!

E

The New Me

Things I find myself doing now that I never did pre-baby:

* Squinting at the clock instead of just glancing and noting the time. Every time I look at a clock I'm calculating the last time baby ate or slept. Since I have mom brain this is also very hard to do. Hence, I find myself squinting. Why that helps, I do not know.

* Sitting up straight in bed very quickly and checking on baby after she coughs up some spit that went down the wrong hole. I jump like a startled vampire in an old horror movie. Also I can run from the kitchen to the living room in .02 seconds flat. But there are many other times when I don't react at all. Its some sort of mom radar that tells you when to check and when to ignore. Either that or I am a bad mom about half the time.

* Stopping everything I am doing and listening to the wind, like a hunter. Am trying to make a quick lunch when I think I hear a peep from napping baby, and I find myself frozen in the kitchen, cocking an ear to the air. I can stay frozen this way for up to thirty seconds.

* Talking to the baby in Target. Yes I'm that person too. I talked her through nearly every purchase except for the condoms, that was a quick decision she was not consulted on (but one to which the checkout lady probably had a good giggle about). Also I get quieter about it when people near. In fairness I am keeping her more calm and focused by talking to her, but I'm sure I look like 'that crazy mom.'

* Actively talking kid stuff at parties. I used to only do this out of politeness. Now I am researching, researching, asking, asking and getting opinions constantly. I think it will take me six years to figure out the Chicago Public School system anyway. Might as well start asking about it now. Also late at night I troll mom blogs for flame wars. I don't think that mom brain is lazy, I think it just shifts interest.

I'm most ashamed of the last point. But oh well. I may not be cool anymore, but maybe my kid will be. Its all we can hope for now.

E