The New Me

Things I find myself doing now that I never did pre-baby:

* Squinting at the clock instead of just glancing and noting the time. Every time I look at a clock I'm calculating the last time baby ate or slept. Since I have mom brain this is also very hard to do. Hence, I find myself squinting. Why that helps, I do not know.

* Sitting up straight in bed very quickly and checking on baby after she coughs up some spit that went down the wrong hole. I jump like a startled vampire in an old horror movie. Also I can run from the kitchen to the living room in .02 seconds flat. But there are many other times when I don't react at all. Its some sort of mom radar that tells you when to check and when to ignore. Either that or I am a bad mom about half the time.

* Stopping everything I am doing and listening to the wind, like a hunter. Am trying to make a quick lunch when I think I hear a peep from napping baby, and I find myself frozen in the kitchen, cocking an ear to the air. I can stay frozen this way for up to thirty seconds.

* Talking to the baby in Target. Yes I'm that person too. I talked her through nearly every purchase except for the condoms, that was a quick decision she was not consulted on (but one to which the checkout lady probably had a good giggle about). Also I get quieter about it when people near. In fairness I am keeping her more calm and focused by talking to her, but I'm sure I look like 'that crazy mom.'

* Actively talking kid stuff at parties. I used to only do this out of politeness. Now I am researching, researching, asking, asking and getting opinions constantly. I think it will take me six years to figure out the Chicago Public School system anyway. Might as well start asking about it now. Also late at night I troll mom blogs for flame wars. I don't think that mom brain is lazy, I think it just shifts interest.

I'm most ashamed of the last point. But oh well. I may not be cool anymore, but maybe my kid will be. Its all we can hope for now.

E