When I had baby A I knew that things were going to get a bit busier. I was going to be tired a lot. No more going out until all hours and sleeping all day. No more sauntering to the square and trying to decide if I will go to the pub and read my book or go to the movies. No more jumping on a plane on a whim to go see a friend. All of this is ok. She has saved me from a lot of bad habits. She has given me new purpose. She makes me see the world in a wonderful new way.
But one thing I have found that has changed is my tolerance. I'm one of those people that it is very hard to annoy. I am generous with my friends and give them the benefit of the doubt always. I can put up with a lot. It used to take at least three major strikes before I would realize that a friend maybe didn't have my best interests at heart. And in the unfortunate instances when that seemed to be the case, I would allow myself to move on from that relationship. Things happen, its ok.
But now that I have her I have found that my tolerance can break at a moment's notice. Looking back I can see the patterns that I have put up with for so long. But throw baby into the mix? I put my foot down. I see a bit of red. I round up the carriages and declare war.
So far this has resulted in two big showdowns. One with a friend who I have known for years, and who possibly I have to say goodbye to. And one to a new family member who has rightly apologized and learned a little bit more about me in the process.
Is this a mama bear instict? Or are we just too tired now to let the grown up babies be babies?
Naturally I feel ok about it. She is my main priority and I am not going to apologize for that. But wondering if this is part of nature or just me getting old and cranky?
Here's to putting your foot down, loudly, when needed. Its feels rather good.
E
I think it's a combination of becoming a mother AND age. I don't have kids but like you, have experienced a change in tolerance. Mature adults don't hold grudges against friends for doing what is in their best interest. Not that long ago I had an instance where a friend went off on me for doing something that clashed against her schedule. Never mind that I had attempted to accommodate her but never got confirmation on some keys dates/times and so I went forward with my plans. I let her scream and yell and enjoy her drama-- over text, natch-- and then just wrote back, "yep. you're right. I'm horrible. have a great day" or something to that effect. A few days passed and she apologized. This friendship has survived but could easily have been dropped.
ReplyDeleteI guess the point of this comment is that not everyone grows up at the same time. For me it was like almost overnight I grew up. I now have a growing pile of people I refer to as "People I Will Always Care About But No Longer Want In My Life"! Thankfully, you, darling, will never be one of those people! XO
Aww thanks Jen! And you have always been so understanding about the new role I am trying to fill here...and such a good support system. I guess it is just getting older, and making time for people who deserve it. Nothing wrong with that!! Thank you. xo
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