The Time Has Come

It's back to work next week. Where did six months go? Is she really that old, she's been with us for half a year already? This maternity leave thing is all wrong. They should be handed out to nannies when they are newborns and much more work (at least for half days). Now that she's six months and laughing and cooing and playing is when all the moms should leave work again and stay home and enjoy them and have fun. Oh well.

I like being freelance though because its not as if its the END. Its just a few weeks, maybe more, but I can always demur and say I want to be home. I probably will follow the money as I usually do. But I like the option, I like not 'working for the man', I like the idea that I might have another chunk of time with her again.


Doing the math on nanny costs was an eye opener though. It makes sense for me as I make good money when I do work, but motoboy was alarmed and had to go through his monthly budget to make sure it will work. Good thing race season is over! No more racebikes with broken parts that have to be ordered from Europe! Time for him to clean out the bunker and sell some old bike parts on ebay. It does feel like we are really a family now, with family budgeting and cost cutting to be looked at. Packing lunches. No thrice weekly meals out. Trimming those utilities and bills. Thinking about mortgages. Its actually a lot more fun than it sounds though. Because we have this sweet little person who looks almost exactly half like him and half like me. That's why we do it. We get to come home to her every night to remind us.

It will be interesting to see if work feels more stressful for me, knowing she is at home, or if it will be some sort of guilty relief that I can actually get personal stuff done during the day. You know, like uninterrupted phone calls, or lunch with adults. A pedicure in the middle of the day. A walk through downtown. TJ Maxxin. I think I will keep having that flash worry of 'where did I leave the baby?' Oh at home, with our friend and nanny who loves her so much.

I feel a little sick about it, a little excited. And blessed that I had this much time to begin with. Here goes, adult stuff. You really do only feel grown up at certain watersheds, this being mine I guess.

E